Escaping from being a tool dependency

It is very hard to implement because it needs to change your thinking paradigm.  It needs to be “implanted” deep within your subconscious.

  • When someone asks you a solution
    • Think of the root cause
    • Do not think of a tool that will solve the problem temporarily

Other suggestions are welcome.  Please fill in.

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Dependent personality disorder

Am gonna post some of the passages from this article:

http://www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Dependent-personality-disorder.html

Definition:

  • Persons with dependent personality disorder are docile, passive, and nonassertive
  • They exert a great deal of energy to please others, are self-sacrificing, and constantly attempt to elicit the approval of others
  • They are easily influenced and can be taken advantage of easily
  • Patients with dependent personality disorder have a low level of confidence in their own intelligence and abilities
  • They often have difficulty making decisions and undertaking projects on their own
  • They are prone to be pessimistic, self-doubting, and belittle their own accomplishments
  • They shy away from responsibility in occupational settings
  • Affected individuals are uneasy being alone and are preoccupied with the fear of being abandoned or rejected by others
  • Their style of thinking is naïve, uncritical, and lacks discretion

Causes:

It is commonly thought that the development of dependence in these individuals is a result of over-involvement and intrusive behavior by their primary caretakers. Caretakers may foster dependence in the child to meet their own dependency needs, and may reward extreme loyalty but reject attempts the child makes towards independence. Families of those with dependent personality disorder are often do not express their emotions and are controlling; they demonstrate poorly defined relational roles within the family unit.

Individuals with dependent personality disorder often have been socially humiliated by others in their developmental years. They may carry significant doubts about their abilities to perform tasks, take on new responsibilities, and generally function independently of others. This reinforces their suspicions that they are incapable of living autonomously. In response to these feelings, they portray a helplessness that elicits caregiving behavior from some people in their lives.

Symptoms:
  • Have difficulty making common decisions.  Needs excessive amounts of advise.
  • Need others to assume responsibility for them.  Withdraw responsibilities by acting passive and helpless.
  • Have difficulty expressing disagreement with others
  • Have difficulty initiating or doing things on their own.  Lacks self-confidence.
  • Feel helpless when alone. Because they feel incapable of caring for themselves, they experience significant anxiety when alone. To avoid being alone, they may be with people in whom they have little interest

Am I *TOOL* dependent?

One of my colleagues struck me by saying “you are tool dependent”.   From the very moment he said that to me, I agree deep within – although I never answer or loudly answer YES.  I know what he means by that and now I’m asking myself that very question.  In order to answer that question, lets define first what being tool dependent is?

  • Explores a lot of tools, recursively
  • Is lazy
  • Yet is ideal
  • The goal is to produce or optimize things with very little effort
  • Does not focus on the subject matter but instead focuses on the tools to accomplish the problem or the subject matter
  • Kills time for tool exploration
  • Plays alot with the tools
  • Spends time doing boilerplate codes
  • A tool slave – relies on the tools very much
  • Always buying time or always lacks time
  • Never get things done
  • Couldn’t get things done without the tools
  • Having a hard time controlling oneself
  • Does not have self-discipline
  • Have an attention deficit disorder
  • Easily persuaded by tools
  • Jack of all trades, master of none
  • Critical thinker
  • Creative thinker to the point of once a problem occurs, the solution instantaeneously pops out of the brain and then performs research about what tool accomplishes the problem instead of analyzing the problem first and then acting after.
  • An action man without thinking first
  • You overly submit oneself to that way
  • Has a lot of options because of the result of finding a lot of possible tools and solutions to solving a particular problem.
  • Always planning to escape being tool dependent but cannot
  • Tends to over-analyze things

From this definition alone, I would say I am.  Well, I just made up this definition from what I understand to be a tool dependent.

Upon reflecting, here I think are ways to escape from being a tool dependent person.

  • A determination to change
  • An everyday re-assessment of goals if it gets done
  • Focus and focus on solving the subject matter by not relying from the tools
  • Organize
  • Follow up
  • Focus on personal development – by not using those tools
  • Have a general sense of whats happening – have a birds eye view
  • Think first before acting
  • Always rely to oneself.  Don’t be dependent to things – and don’t escape the situation
  • Develop a sense of independence
  • Believe in your own competency
  • Gain personal mastery and self-control

Systematic way of tackling tool dependence.

  • Being dependent on things means holding on desperately to things to give life a meaning or direction.  In this case, to give you a desired solution to the problem you are tackling.
  1. Be willing to let go of the tools.  Begin by resenting those tools that can keep you back from all that you are capable of.
  2. Have the ability to self-initiate and lead oneself.
  3. Limit the tool selection to just 3, so that at least you have the options.
  4. Don’t over-analyze things for your pleasure.
  5. Practice, practice, practice.  From what I’ve heard, all it takes to acquire a habit is to perform it for two weeks consistently.  For example, if you are lazy to brush your teeth everyday – and you want to do something about it; train your mind and *do* it for two weeks and it becomes a habit.